Draft Dodger Rag

I'm just a typical American boy from a typical American town.

 

I believe in God and Senator Dodd and in keeping old Castro down.

 

And when it came my time to serve, I knew better dead than red.

 

But when I got to my old draft board, buddy this is what I said:

Chorus:

Sarge, I'm only eighteen, I got a ruptured spleen, And I always carry a purse.

 

I got eyes like a bat, and my feet are flat, and my asthma's getting worse.

 

Oh, think of my career, my sweetheart dear, my poor old invalid aunt.

 

Besides, I ain't no fool, I'm going to school, And I'm working in a defense plant.

 

 

I got a dislocated disc, and a racked up back, I'm allergic to flowers and bugs,

And when the bombshell hits, I get epileptic fits

And I'm addicted to a thousand drugs.

I got the weakness woes, I can't touch my toes, I can hardly reach my knees.

And if the enemy came close to me, I'd probably start to sneeze. (Chorus)

 

I hate Chou En Lai and I hope he dies, but one thing you gotta see,

That someone's gotta go over there, and that someone isn't me.

So, I wish you well, Sarge, give 'em hell, Yeah, kill me a thousand or so.

And if you ever get a war without blood and gore,

Well, I'll be the first to go. (Chorus)